I often feel like I’m a little late to the party… any party that is. I have no idea what’s currently trending musically, I’ve never been into any of the “big” shows everyone is obsessed with (i.e. Survivor, The Voice, America’s Got Talent, The Bachelor/Bachelorette… the list goes on) and same can be said for books.
I’ve always been a firm believer that we get what we need exactly when we need it and not one moment before…
Because I believe as we navigate this thing called life, as we heal, grow, expand, change and travel through various phases of interest and get stuck in interests that feel too familiar to let go of, we’re not always ready to receive what may be “the thing” of the moment.
Now if you just read that and you’re like… uh you’re connecting deep life learnings to pop culture? Yes… yes I am because I can and the inspiration for this little story is Elizabeth Gilbert’s BIG MAGIC, a book written in 2015, that someone recommended to me probably in 2017 or 2018 and while I may have purchased it then (actually according to my Amazon records, I DID purchase it in Oct 2018) it sat in the TBR [To Be Read] collection, that quite frankly has been growing for quite some time.
So you’re reading this like… girl it’s 2021. Mhmmm. This wonderful, magical book sat there unread for 3 years… until maybe 2 weeks ago. I had just finished reading another book, which took me an embarrassingly long time to finish and I’ve been pretty heavy into personal development, educational reads for a while and my soul stirred for something different and I had this huge TBR stack… but I was like I need a break from the “trying to better myself and be the next fucking version of me” like can I just enjoy this version right now? Can I just be content with the woman I have BECOME? Why the obsession with always up-leveling and striving to be the “best version” of you?
I get it… THAT IS the work… but at what point can we maybe just enjoy WHO we’ve become? At what point, can we look back and say “Damn girl… good job on getting here. I’m proud of you.” and let that be enough?
Because… there will always be work to be done and there is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, I still want to be better… but I also think you can get burnt out on personal growth… I think you can OD on it because the work never stops and so it’s up to you to balance it.
Ok, so that was a tangent but obvi one I needed to express because that’s what my soul said to me as I sat there contemplating my next read. Stacks of books and not one I had a genuine interest in… and then I took another look through one of the stacks and there she was, almost as if to say “Hey girl… I’ve been waiting for you.”
BIG MAGIC: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Note: Remember what I shared about pop culture? While I have seen Eat, Pray, Love… I didn’t fall madly in love with it like so many others, it’s just never been my thing, nor have I ever read the book so that was my limited view of Elizabeth’s work.
So I grabbed her, sat down, and turned the pages… I was immediately drawn in. Completely captured by this self-help/non-selfhelp/motivational book to the point where I look forward to going to bed, just so I can wake up, make my coffee, and dive in again.
Does that seem strange? Like if I’m so into it, why not just sit down and burn through it in a weekend if I’m excited by it, why not just dive in? Ah my friend, because I like to savor the things I enjoy and while sure, I most likely will treat this like many of my books… as a guide, a textbook of my lifelong self-education… I wanted to give myself the time to let the words sink in and sink in they have.
Just this morning on page 146, there is this line:
So when can you start pursuing your most creative and passionate life?
You can start whenever you decide to start.
As I sat on my balcony on this quiet Sunday morning, I closed my eyes and let those words run through my body like an electric charge… it was a full-body chill. I read them again…
You can start whenever you decide to start.
BIG fucking MAGIC. I literally FELT the magic stir within me.
Have you ever felt something like that? It’s almost indescribable… except to say that it felt like someone shocked me and I felt the energy radiate from the crown of my head through my heart to the tips of my toes… twice.
Here’s what I know so far in my experience…
Is that somewhere between the land of make-believe as a kid and adult life the ability to believe in magic gets a little lost. We get weighed down by life… responsibilities, jobs, bills, taxes, feeding ourselves (like every day), showering (hey some days its a chore) cleaning, fixing shit that breaks, complicated relationships, toxic workplaces, shitty bosses, backstabbing co-workers, heartbreak, heartache, shitty people, politics, toxic family, traffic…
The list of shit that is less than magical seems to be never-ending while the stuff that is magical seems to be hard to even remember, look for, or grasp that it still exists.
And that breaks my heart… it broke my own heart.
Because while I do firmly believe that we are here for more than just a paycheck, commute, and “just getting by” it’s hard to believe that when you’re stressed AF trying to figure out how to pay your mortgage, afford a vacation, or just believe that you deserve a pedicure and in that space, it’s nearly impossible to believe in magic.
I know… I’ve been there.
And what I also know is that there is magic in that mess and no matter how hard we try to ignore it or extinguish it… huffing and puffing that magic is for kids or that it’s bullshit, or life is a bitch and then you die (a saying my mother is particularly fond of from time to time) the thing about magic is…
It’s a persistent little fucker and it’s always present because somewhere, someone believes, and even if you’re in the space where magic seems impossible, it will wait for you, and sometime when you least expect it, it will surprise you and make you remember that it exists.
And sometimes, it will wash through you like a bolt of lightning that moves you to overwhelming joy and gratitude that shakes you up to remember that it’s a gift to believe that magic exists… that it’s not just for Disney and Hollywood but that magic is HERE… right now in your everyday experience if you are brave enough to see it.
I hope I stay brave.
I hope you stay brave.
